One Vogue staffer reflects on her behalf dating experiences as a eastern asian woman.

Every date with me starts with an meeting process, and it goes such as this:

Me: “Do you like bubble tea?”

Me: “Do you prefer anime?”

Him: “Anime? Like, Japanese cartoons? No, why?”

Me: “No reason. Have you ever dated an east woman that is asian?”

The future of our relationship depends entirely on their answer. Alleged “yellow fever” is real, discreet and imbued within our collective awareness. Some individuals may see no harm in a person who dabbled for two years in Final Fantasy, orders Thai meals at least one time an on deliveroo, and has a penchant for taoism week. As an eastern Asian woman, they are red alert flags for me personally: abort objective.

My parents migrated to Paris from China in the first ’90s, and largely raised me in France, where I happened to be created. I moved to the UK to study at Oxford, spending a year abroad in New York before moving to London full-time after graduation when I turned 18. As I gradually got accepted into what people call “elite” institutions – all of which are predominantly white spaces while I have previously dated Asian men, I slowly found myself becoming more attracted to white men. Your internalised racism and white saviour problem grows equal in porportion to your want to squeeze into those spaces which are so “exclusive”. Community has taught us, specially first-generation immigrants, that validation is sold with being invited to sit next to white people – even though none of us will ever make it towards the table. Following that logic, what’s better than actually dating one?

As a result, the question, “What’s your type?” is often packed for me. Dating being a girl of color is stressful under any circumstances.Continue reading